peck avenue

i am actually resenting the dream i had last night. i cant stop thinking about it and the more i do the more depressed i get, and then the more pissed off i get. aside from being eerily accurate with my general feelings about my life right now (that i am basically embarrassed and not at all proud about where i am and what im doing), it brought back a person from my past who i havent really even thought about in awhile. this is someone i havent seen in at least 5 years and therefore have kind of forgotten what they were like. i mean i remember the generalities - he was outgoing, weird, loud, adventurous, a little crazy - but i dont really remember the details, i didnt remember what it was like to be with him, to be his friend.even though for awhile i guess you could say he was my best friend. ive never had this happen in a dream before - but in this dream it was so realistic that i felt all of it, i felt all of those things again. i remember thinking in the dream “thats so eddie” referring to a mannerism or his way of speaking or something like that. and i dont know, somethign about that has been disturbing me all morning. probably because lately i have been painfully aware of how few friends i have anymore, particularly guy friends, when back when i was younger, most of my friends were male. and it was just nice. in the dream i was talking to him an telling him how i felt and he was consoling me in the exact same way he always used to. and it was just nice. even if it was a dream, it was nice to feel close to someone again. but then of course i wake up and im just that more concious of the fact that i dont have that in real life, and its horribly depressing. and i didnt want to be sad today, so im pissed at that dream.